A Day In The Life...

blizzaaarrrdddd

2005-01-24T07:29:46Z

well despite the "blizzard", i had a great past 2 days.
the band + billy spent the night at anthony's last night, it was totally awesome.
anthony and co. picked me up after work, we packed into his car, made a 7-11 stop, headed back to valley stream (an hour trip due to the insane snow), and then we practiced til liiike 8ish (i think, i dont remember lol) then we ate gross chinese food and worked on networking for hourrrrrrssss. we got a lot done, i'm really excited. we sound really good. and we get along great too. stayed up mad late watching Resevoir Dogs, eating anthony's amazing monkey bread (dough covered in cinnamon baked into this cake-like thing), working on an ill music video (seriously, its gonna be mad cool lol), and trying to figure out what's really going on in billy's head when he puts top hats on microphones and makes weapons from scratch ("FIRE THE MISSILES!"). after debating over sleeping arrangements--which took a long time til we figured out john and anty would sleep in anthony's room in the house next door, kenny and bill get the practice room (an entire room to themselves, yet they managed to find themselves lying 2 centimeters away from eachother), and nick and i get the ill guest room ("I'm not sleeping in this filth!"), we got a good nights sleep so we could wake up bright and early to practice some more the next day.

well, a 'good nights sleep' began at like 6 inthe morning...and 'bright and early' is more like 2pm but that doesnt matter. once it hit midnight, we all became delirious haha ("Billy, I really can't take you anymore tonight." "Take me where?") And John had me convinced that IHOP was founded by a guy who, while in the middle of planning the resteraunt, was skinned by the HOPI indians (when "Hopi" was the original idea for the name of the place), causing him to switch the letters around from HOPI to IHOP. I shouldnt be proud of this.

practiced the next day, everything sounds good (we're insanely ready for this show), anty's mom made cookies, then we all bummed around til like 9 when we drove kenny back to brooklyn. it was a mad cool past 2 days. a great experiance to share with some great people, i hope we can all do it again sometime soon. if only i had brought a video camera...i seriously havent laughed so much in ages. big thanks to kenny, anty, john, nick, and billy.

theres a lot more i wanna add in here about other stuff like the other band and work and the usual stuff but im tired soooo goodnight

Baby Steps Toward Happiness...

2005-01-22T02:41:32Z

I find myself within one of those periods of attempted "self improvement" right now. I'm not really sure how long it will last, or how secure my thoughts are with everything, but at least I'm trying. With my job, my music, my education, etc. I worry that I'll never know what I truly want, and that when I find out it will be too late. I should have more faith in myself. I won't get anywhere with an attitude like that.

I also wonder why I have so many different faces, depending on the company.
It's definitely not intentional. I don't realize it.
But a recent dose of 'constructive' criticism has me thinking.
I'm not different people (obviously), I just act differenly. Everyone does it.
I just with I didn't do it so much (and I'm trying to figure out which face is the real one).
I wonder why I'm not myself around people I should be.
And why I'm ultimately comfortable around people I would have never guessed could make me feel that way.

*I am not a schizo* lol

Sometimes I just want to scream.

To get something out in the open that I haven't even fully formulated in my mind yet.
Those strange feelings that aren't really anything. Just feelings.
Whether they're happiness, security, confusion, loathing.

I find myself supressing my instinctive, internal cries of "I've had enough!" due to the strong sense that I have a long way to go before "enough" is even in my field of vision.
I should give myself more credit. And
I shouldn't always give up so easily.
But sometimes, when my mind is tired, and thinking seems to take up as much strength as hopelessly trying to tread water for hours, the idea of letting myself slip under becomes my only comfort.

Only I can help myself this time.

Now stop reading this and do something more productive with your time!!

And we're back in action.

2005-01-21T06:54:21Z

Haven't written in a while. No one uses this damned thing anymore.
Except for Bryn...who made me update this b/c she is apparently bored on many occasions (which she shouldnt be...instead of hanging out with me she makes me update my livejournal!!) haha nah. we hung out the other night. yeah that was rad. with a capital "R".

For "Rad".

Anyways...my lord what do i write in here. I went to the Witches Brew tonight with Billy and a few of his friends who are great great people (and they're friends with Matt Jordan!! Aaah!) It was mad fun. And Kenny's arguing with me about something which is distracting me. Oh yeah, I'm in another band now. Phase 9. www.myspace.com/phase 9 ....aaand www.phase9band.com check us out yeaaaaahhh

we're arguing over my NON EXISTANT stage presence. Why am I such a fuck onstage. I dont do anything. Probably bc I dont know how to. I'm not as rockin' as I thought. Only in my shower with my ill shampoo bottle microphone.

So anyways, yes tonight was really fun. I had a great time. I've been trying to be Billy's "coach" these past few days due to...mm..lets say a "series of unfortunate events" in his life right now (well,not really a series..just one thing. but the other way is catchier), which is terrible b/c he's now part of the "my most favorite people ever" group lol. Ah well, things will get better in time.

So what else is new. Not much, really.
I just saw IDINA MENZEL in 'Wicked' thanks to Nicolas and oh my gooooodddddd what an experiance. She's been my idol for years and years and years. Never seen her live before. When she came out I cried so much. And i cried throughout the whole show. I love her. I'm not gay. Really...but I'd so go out with her. Aaaah.

I've been writing a lot and I still can't get over that fear of showing people. I didn't even get very far. All I've got is this:

My hands have failed at self-expression,
It seems as though they've lost their touch.
With dreams caught up in vain intention,
A noble mind knows too much.
I've held my breath too long this time,
For a future that I once called mine.
No time for thought, no strength to prove,
So come around and make my move...

I'm casting shadows on your wall,
Am I just your imagination?

Again I'm scratching at my surface,
Wandering through the borderline
With hope to stumble across some purpose,
A reason to give in this time.
I'm still a picture on the wall
Of a room you've never seen before,
Down a hall you've never walked,
A stranger to the open door...

I really don't know what that is lol...I'm just feeling a bit SKOOTUM TUMTUM tonight.

I went to dictionary.com and looked in the thesaurus for a fancier word for "fearless" and...I stumbled across "skootum tumtum". What the fuck is that. I don't know but it made me giggle like an asian schoolgirl.

I'm in a strange mood right now so maybe I should call this quits. For those of you who are reading this, thank you for joining me today/tonight. For those of you not reading this...nothing, b/c you're not reading this. You bite. You get nothing.

OH WAIT check out the Mercurial.
I saw them recently at Ritual and you must support them.
Chezz, you are more awesome than ever (for both performing spectacularly, and for covering my favorite Duran Duran song) <3 less than three.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts....

2004-11-28T22:26:35Z

What else am I doing at 5:07 on a Sunday evening? Lurking within the confines of my livejournal page by candlelight, that's what. I didn't wake up until 1:35 this afternoon so my mind is both alert yet sleepy (it knows it's evening therefore it's alert but my biological clock realizes that i've only been awake for 3 1/2 hours...so...seems as if my mentality is inconsistant at the moment). I've been working with another band on the side of my main project which gives me great oppurtunity to experiance something both new and invigorating. The other 4 in this band are beyond your average musically talented guys. Their drive is incredible. And I love playing with them. 3 of them are members of a band that my band has played shows with for a little over a year and a half, and we've also shared some great relationships in the past. The other is just an ultimately cool cat with an awesome knack for gee-tar playing!
So as I sit here and listen to what we've recorded, my mind wanders to the other music I've been kicking back to lately, wishing it's impact on my own writing would become more evident. I have my influences, but do these influences really reflect in my writing? Maybe, maybe not. I hope they do though, in the future(hopefully the near future, I'm growing antsy). I know I've written about Counting Crows recently, but I really can't stress enough how incredible and moving I find their slower pieces to be (especially with the icing on the cake--Adam's impeccible ability to write perfect lyrics). Perfect lyrics. I'm honestly in awe of them and sometimes I can't tell whether they make me incredibly satisfied or ultimately depressed lol. I'm ecstatic that someone out there has written this music yet envious that that person isn't myself!
Same thing when I listen to Dredg. I've been on a major kick lately (Thanks to that supercool Ryan aka "New Wave Whores" haha), and I have to say their music blows me away. How does one write something so incredibly moving? Envoke all the senses as one would commit a whole lifetime to trying to accomplish yet most likely without much success? Some people do this in 5 minutes. They write such an incredibel piece of music in 5 minutes and in that 5 minutes they create something beyond comprehension. I'm glad that these people not only include existing performers played on the radio and glowing through our television screens, but people that I know personally who I look up to. These people (those I consider to be good friends of mine), in the way they speak, in the manner they walk, in the vibe they bring to a room, in the way that they interact with others and radiate such an energy, have such an incredible ability to create such amazing music. It's like it's built in--they were born to do it. It's pretty incredible.
Well, it's dinnertime...I'm not quite sure what the main objective to this was but it was a good time-killer. Bye bye.

allmixxedup @ 2004-11-21T23:01:00

2004-11-22T04:06:02Z

How to make a Lauren

Ingredients:

3 parts competetiveness

5 parts silliness

1 part beauty

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add lustfulness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

I was gonna write something but I'm sleepy and lazy.

<3

I will....

2004-11-18T08:39:31Z

One day I'll learn what relief really is.
One day I'll know freedom.
One day I'll look up at the moon room from a balcony somewhere in Europe.
One day I'll see myself in my child.
One day I'll eliminate the worst of me.
One day I'll hold my breath the longest I ever have.
One day I'll push the limits of self-sacrifice.
One day I'll cook a dinner for 15.
One day I'll hurt someone I love to save them.
One day I'll forget how sadness feels.
One day I'll pick out someone's name.
One day I'll change my own name.
One day I'll forgive someone most undeserving.
One day I'll save myself.
One day I'll conquer my deepest of fears.
One day I'll complete my own puzzle.
One day I'll experiance full-blown rejection.
One day I'll be the most afraid I've ever been.
One day I'll sleep in without word.
One day I'll write a book.
One day I'll sing.
One day I'll be moved to tears.
One day I'll find the perfect words.
One day I'll grow out of the girl I've grown tired of and into the woman I've always hoped to be.
One day I'll show them all I can be successful.
One day I'll change the life of a stranger.
One day I'll pay too much for an awful haircut.
One day I'll hate my tattoos.
One day I'll know what death is.
One day I'll be a mother.
One day I'll tuck someone in.
One day I'll lose my voice.
One day I'll get lost in a crowd.
One day I'll be well-rested.
One day I'll pack a lunchbox.
One day I'll look back at my life and know I did the best I could, and be overjoyed with the outcome I've constructed.

My Day In NYC

2004-11-17T05:51:32Z

So today was spent in new york city with Bryn, for the most part. It was really, really cool. We caught a noon-ish train and we ran around all day visiting clinics where she'd liek to apply for a job. I hope it turns out well for her, she's worked so incredibly hard and deserves it SO much. We did this for about 3 hours, then we were finally ready to grab something to eat (we were STARVING)...got some awesome cheeseburgers and fries at Hamburger Heaven (and a lot of onions..lol)...picked Chezz up some kumkwats....then walked around Manhattan to window shop (which turned into actually shopping...i got a hat and a scarf and really cool earrings for mad cheap)...then we browsed through Victoria's Secret and gazed sorrowfully at sexy lingerie that neither of us believe we could pull off. C'est la vie.

Then we met up with Chezz and walked to Hammerstein Ballroom to see the COUNTING CROWS!!
They were amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. It was a private show (tickets werent oinsale to the public) which was totally awesome..i felt like one of the Priveleged. Which I was,because this was one of the best shows I've ever been to. Adam's the greatest songwriter, and the band is so infinitely talented it's crazy.

There's more I wanna type but I'm sleepy and my soup's getting cold and I have a headache. 'Nite

Halloween at SRS

2004-11-06T17:23:08Z

Ok well I had a bunch of pictures that I still wanna get on hurr, but since my reformatted computer has yet to recognize the fact that I still have a scanner, these are a combo of ones I scanned before the reformatting and ones I stole from Nicole. =)~

Holy update

2004-11-06T07:32:00Z

Wow, holy update indeed. Now that my computer's reformatted, I foresee myself shackled to the old ball & chain that is LiveJournal yet again. Aren't you all lucky?

Well, so much has been crammed into this past month that if I decided not to try to catch you all up on the events of the past 31 days, it would be like telling you all to open up to page 63 of a book you've never even heard of. But then again, I feel (and hope) I'm a bit more familiar to the most of you than an unread book opened up to page 63....sooo....screw catching up. I'll discuss tonight.

Well at practice we tried everything dropped down a half step. I still don't know how I feel about the way Enough sounds. Hide sounds pertty cool. Made It sounds great this way though--I really like it. I'm very happy with its sound. "New Song" (our new song, not a Cataklyzm cover silly) sounds very nice dropped. I'm looking forward to see how we evolve these next few months. We've been steadily improving, and since Mikey destroyed his groin lol, we've been able to talk and rearrange and create. I can't wait to get back into the swing of things and play shows once again. Should be good.
After work tonight I went bowling and then to the diner with Bryn, Chezz, Steve, and Mike. It was awesome, I really had a lot of fun (I'm trying to conserve $$$ though so no bowling for me...but i had enough fun watching). Steve let me bowl for him and i made him lose haha but i did score mike a 94 int he last frame. Chezz got 4 striked in a row!!! We were all very impressed. He also invented the..Fork Zipper? Crotch fork? I forget what it was called (Chris I know you read this from time to time, remind me of what you called it lol) Tomorrow we're all meeting up at Steve's at noon to watch movies and make ourselves lunch. I cant wait, it's gonna be a lot of fun.

Well, that's all, my lovelies. I'm actually having an in depth conversation with the Wah-ha-man via the wonders of my now-functioning AIM so I must go before I take any longer to respond to the kid. Have a good night my dears.

((I hope to have some pictures from the Halloween party at the studio posted up here soon...wow...holy craziness lol)) <3

Tell me who I am, Quizilla.com.....

2004-10-07T16:49:18Z

You're all about the music. Not too incredibly
mainstream, but not too incredibly underground.
It's awfully hard for anyone to oppose you,
seeing as how you rule.

What band from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I post weird poetic stuff no one understands

why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're a punk rock mommy! DIY is probably your
motto, because you're a punk mama at heart.
Your kids are getting your independent spirit
and guts, and learning to solve problems
themselves. You love it when they show their
independence, even when it's breaking your
heart.

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

get a candle, cause it is dark on your side of the
moon ... you are the BITCHIN Pink FLoyd!

Which totally BITCHIN band are you??? (tool, nine inch nails, etc.)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah, now I know who I am =)~
Just wanted to update, didn't know what to write today.

My snake tried to escape today...FYI.

2004-09-28T06:03:19Z

Ok so Josh is starting a book of morals and I am proud to say that I am a part of Lesson #1! He copied and pasted it to me and it turns out to be a conversation we had recently. Makes me feel good =) I didn't know people took me seriously haha

Versye7: Lesson #1:Who I Am
SwisSummeRomance: like why would what other people think matter
Versye7: WOW....VERY TRUE WELL YOU'RE THE 1ST GIRL I ASKED WHAT THEY THINK....I ALREADY KNOW WHAT MY EX WOULD SAY SHE'S A BIA!!...SO I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT A GIRL THOUGHT...BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF IN THE PROCESS
SwisSummeRomance: LOL you only make a fool of yourself if you base yourself on what other people think!
SwisSummeRomance: which you never came across as being like.
Versye7: IM NOT YOUR ACTUALLY THE 1ST ONE WHO ACTUALLY CAUGHT ME.
SwisSummeRomance: cuz if anyone else I knew like wore those headbands and stuff id be like "what are they doing" but you don't do it to look a certain way, you do it cuz its you and you love it and you're into it and therefore it makes it so awesome and I get disappointed when you don't do it!
Versye7: MAN OF ALL MY FRIENDS THAT KNOW ME FROM TOP TO BOTTOM U TOLD ME THAT. MAD CHILL
Versye7: SO U KNOW ME AS DOING CRAZY STUFF LIKE THAT?
SwisSummeRomance: I know you for being who you know you are
SwisSummeRomance: which is more than most of us can say
Versye7: MAN THIS IS SOME GOOD QUOTAGE IM WRITING THIS DOWN....."THE LESSONS OF LIFE #1"
SwisSummeRomance: haha
Versye7: AND IM SERIOUS I ACTUALLY AM IM STARTING A MORAL BOOK
SwisSummeRomance: I had one
Versye7: TO KEEP IN CHECK WHO I AM BECAUSE I ALMOST LOST MYSELF.
Versye7: HAHAHAHAHA IM A GENUIS

That made me feel really good about myself actually. I've been kind of hard on myself lately (with very good reason to) so someone taking something I say so seriously with sincere interest makes me feel really really good.
I feel like I fear things that are positive. I mean I know it's not true but when I look back on this past year or two...I feel like I pushed away a lot of positive things. I know we're all busy but take Dave and Dobrini for example...they were like my brothers 2 years ago and I allowed us all to part such a great deal and I miss the relationship the three of us shared very dearly. Even in relationships...this past year...its like I never acknowleged my feelings for straight up Good guys because I feared rejection...but then my loneliness led to me getting involved with guys who weren't good for me (and I don't mean this goes for every one of them, of course not. I've shared some great moments with some really genuinely good guys). Random yet good example? Everyone remember Andrew? lol...well I mean it's a good example because I have to tell you, one of the few guys I've ever met who really knew how to treat someone. He had more courtesy and respect and care and overall goodness than I could have ever asked for, and I pushed it away (I mean I had my quasi-valid reasons but I'm just using this to show how I've wished for a good guy in the past, gotten one, and said "Awesome, see ya") And in other opposite situations, I allowed myself to fall sooo hard for...well I hate to say "nothing", but in the end, that's what it added up to. Guys I thought the world of who definitely proved me wrong. But I'm a 19 year old girl and I'm allowed to gift-wrap my heart for a few jerks, it'll help me grow with experiance and have some really good stories to tell my daughter when she suffers her first few heartbreaks.

Anyway, I don't think that subject should have taken up so much space lol...once I get started it's hard to close the floodgate. I mean sometimes I think way to into things, especially my flaws (such as the one I spend 25 minutes writing about just now). I think I'm also having major problems being honest, but by that, I mean being honest with myself. I mean I say things to other people that I realize might not be true...but I dont realize that. I honestly at the time feel like I'm being sincere but then when I think about it, I question myself, and ask "Do I really feel this way?" Sometimes I feel what's convenient to feel. Like...If I want the unattainable, I begin to think "Well its not really that important anyway" and I express that to other people, spreading the absurdity. Then I realize "Wait, it IS important. It IS a big deal." I act like its not to make myself feel better. I wish I were more goal-oriented.
Another thing....when did I become stupid?
Ok that sentence was "stupid" in itself. But it was stated so to partially prove a point. But half of it is true. I used to be seen as kind of smart but now it's like..I say things that are so ridiculous and I get so upset when I'm picked apart but then again, can I really blame someone for doing so? I think my problem is I always deal with things with a sense of humor. Which is good to a point. But if something gets heavy, I always have to crack something...make a joke of it...say something that is so dumb that i KNOW is dumb, but I get so desperate to fix things that I play myself off to be so dumb just to get a rise out of someone. I'm not too proud of this. But I think I have to learn to handle things more seriously. I'm internally a very serious person, but I think I handle certain situations a little differently than I should.

A part of me is happy with who I am and another part of me is a little unsettled. I'd like to believe I'm strong enough and intelligent enough to invoke these changes in myself, to grow into the young woman I wish to be all on my own. But I cant help but feel I need a little help. I feel like I have to be pushed by someone. I'm stubborn, I admit. And I know that I'll know I've really got someone who's good for me when they change me. It sounds weak and submissive, but I mean it. I dont want to change certain aspects of myself, but the ones I feel are bringing me down definitely need to undergo some sort of reconstruction. And I feel very lucky due to the people I surround myself with. I've realized how many people have helped me evolve, especially this past year. Jackie taught me to never settle when I can do much better. Patty gave me a little spunk. Bryn gave me confidence in being a strong female. Mike gave me musical confidence. Dave constantly reminds me of who I am when I lose touch with myself. I haven't smoked in so long and it's mainly due to John, Josh & Nick. Rob G. made me more confident as a female musician, and amidst all the strange advice, has shared with me certain thoughts that I will always hold dear to me. He and the rest of that band (Jordan, Sherman, even Tomas actually) taught me so much. And there's so so so many more. There are just so many times where I hate thinking of the person I've become sometimes, but remembering all the people who are close to me (and who consider me close to them), the people who help me change and who have actually allowed me to have some sort of an impact on their lives, the people who have changed me for the better...thinking of all of those things really helps me find solice and contentment and I'm beyond thankful for that. It's amazing to be able to survive on your own. But without these other people who help me grow and improve myself, I wouldn't be even a quarter of the person I am now. All these people who I've become so close with in such a short period of time...and I'm only 19...I'm extremely eager to see what happens by the time I'm 25 (a time in which Rob G says I'll be "unstoppable"...) Haha, we'll see. After all, I'm still working on how I'll be when I reach Tomorrow.

Party at Wahhaman's!

2004-09-25T18:00:44Z

Mike's party last night was aaawesome...even though i came mad late cuz of work. When I got there everyone was either high or drunk or both. I gave Brynnie her birthday present first. She liked it. =) I'm happy. Now we can finally skateboard together!
It was mad cool though, everyone got along well, no problems. Since I was one of the very few sober, I entertained myself by cleaning Mike's kitchen (got a big hug for that later, 'cause I'm awesome), baking brownies (peanut butter ones, nonetheless), and watching John be drunk. (Yoshi drank too!!) Mike and I also had one of our ancient wrestling matches and I do admit (only b/c there were witnesses) that he did indeed kick my ass THAT time. (So many bruises!!!) He totally pwned me. But I'll get him back. ^_^
It was really cool though, Mike always has great gatherings. He made this awesome drink called the chocolate-covered cherry..I took one shot of that, it was sooo good! Me john vade and josh were gonna crash back at my house but we ended up calling asleep in the living room at Mike's (Vade was PASSED OUT haha...I kicked him really hard in the back by mistake and he didn't budge). We woke up at 8 in the morning to make an awesome breakfast today though...scrambled eggs, rolls, steak!, bacon, ham..it was incredible. Then we just kinda chilled til early afternoon. Awesome awesome awesome.
Jess was way funny too...she's hysterical after a few drinks haha...unfortunately I believe she's suffering the nasty repercussions today (I hope you feel better!)

During the day yesterday I also went shopping with patty and bought a cool sweater and a really nice corduroy jacket that I payed waaay too much for...it hurts to remember the price....but it looks good lol I never buy nice stuff so I'll allow it to slide this time. I got cool bass guitar earrings too (one broke when mike was beating me up though, I have to fix it in a few minutes cuz I really love these earrings). I tried to write some lyrics but as always i didnt like them so I ripped 'em up lol...I always hate what I write because to me it sounds ridiculous. I'm ridiculous. I wish I was a mega-awesome writer. And famous. That'd be nice. (I did write 6 new songs on the piano though, I like them...but I cannever play them in front of people. I don't know why. I noticed that this morning at mikes. I was playing the piano, but not really playing..messing around with some notes but i never really play like i really do unless im alone. It's weird.)
I think I need a self-confidence boost. I ran 2 miles just before so I'm at least keeping up on my exercise, but I always have that feeling that I'm not pushing myself hard enough (in all aspects of life). I just get that stupid girlie feeling once in a while that I'm not fit enough, I'm not attractive enough, I'm not talented enough, I'm not confident enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not witty enough, I'm not tactful enough, I'm not feminine enough, not appealing enough....but according to whose standards? Shouldn't only my opinion of myself matter?
That's what all the inspirational posters on the walls of my classrooms and doctor's offices tell me, but it's hard to believe it. Who out there lives solely based upon their own expectations? Kudos to them, they must be very happy (or very lonely). I think when it all comes down to it, I want to be someone that's respected. I want to be strong. I want to be appealing. I want to be beautiful. I want to be intelligent. I want to be talented. Mysterious. Confident. Interesting. I want to believe that I am those things one day, but I also want others to believe it as well. That seems very superficial of me though, and I admit that right about now my fingers are flying faster then my mind can spit out thoughts and ideas. Tidal waves of thoughts and insecurities and wishes and dreams that I constantly try to build a portal for leading into some form of music or poetry or prose or lyrics..but it never seems to work! Maybe I'm only a member of the poetically-challenged in my own head.
I think too much!
One day I'll set myself free from this.
Awesome party Wahmann.

Fall is heeere

2004-09-23T14:10:02Z

So coconuts is being remodeled to be an FYE which I was excited about. But the money-hungry retards with fancy corporate titles decide we should stay open during the remodeling process. SO all of us are mad sick from inhaling the wet paint, chemicals, dust, woodchips, etc...this is the worst cold I've had in a long time (and that's gotta be pretty bad--the girls especially know that I'm known for being sick all the time). This bitessss....down with Coconizzle.
Last night I rented The Girl Next Door and ate pizza with Santo and Dave, it was awesome. It's a great movie...its as much of a girlie movie as it is a guy's kinda movie. I used to not care about eating but last night as I was finishing my 4th slice (although a Domino's slice is equivalent to like, 2 regular sized ones..they so tiiiny)...I felt guilty. That's so stupid!!! But I felt gross..like.."You fat jerk, stop eating"...what's with this mentality?? Maybe it's because I was watching the main girl in the movie and she's got the perfect figure, making me feel all icky and self-conscious. What is this madness. And then I had a really weird dream. A little while ago, Josh's dog almost bit me (Yosh is still in denial!) and I had a dream last night that ludido tried to bite me again but i leapt up on the kitchen table and the monstrous canine knocked the table over but i couldnt move...like, I was stuck in the air...it was weird. Mimi's better. Ludido scares me.
I've also been hanging out with some new people, "expanding my social circle" haha, it's pretty cool. I went to a bar with Joe..uh...Joooe...great, I forgot his last name. Positive Logic Joe, there we go, and a whoole bunch of his friends. I thought this was gonna be some sha-waaag bar to be honest but i was looking forward to it nonetheless..but this bar is mad cool. Its really big and really nice. And the wings were amazing. I had a lot of fun with those guys. Although meeting new people is exhausting, I like it. It's fun.

I want it to snow.

I went away this past weekend and it was great--I had so much fun. It was good to be in a place where all my stresses and dilemmas were faaar far away. I mean, obviously it doesn't make any of the bad stuff go away, but just knowing its a few hours away and pretending it doesn't exist is temporarily good enough for me. Plus, the place had spectacular smoothies. One was like..cranberry juice, strawberries, blueberries, nonfat frozen yogurt and...something else. Pineapple? It was amazing.
I really want to go away to school next year. My dad and I went out of lunch to discuss this and we figured out short term goals and long term goals. I hope it works out, I really do. I'm slacking at Nassau--not gude!! I am forever the cause of my own wretched stress. Mom is really discouraging about me going away come next fall. Mom's a great broad and all lol but when it comes to encouragement...she's not really the one to go to. It's always been that way, I wish that wasn't so. You'd think my dad would be the discouraging one...but he's actually the one who's going out of his way to help me out with this. Maybe he just wants me out of the house finally. =)~ But I want this a whole lot. I think it would be very good for me. I always knew sticking around, majoring in English wasn't making me happy but it was the easiest to do, it was settling, why settle? I'll never be happy settling. I have to really prove myself this time.
The band's been improving, always. We had a good practice last time, I only wish it wasnt because of a horrible show. I mean we played really well...but there was no one there (But thank you Jess, Andrea, John, Vade, & Yoshi! You guys are awesome), GetAway Drive got screwed over, the equipment sucked, the sound sucked, AJ was acting like an asshole and I almost punched him in the face, and I had a big tummyache. It was icky. Mike got really upset and left immediately, I felt really bad. But we cleared it up. The diner trip after with vade john and yoshi helped lift my spirits (even tho i didnt eat my omelette cuz of my jerkface stomach). But that was a little while back, I dont know why I'm talking about that.
What else..hm. Oh, I saw Jackie for the first time in like a month and a half..thats crazy. I saw her every day up til a little while ago, I guess we're just both mad busy. But its so weird, not seeing your best friend in so long when you like 4 minutes away from eachother (yeah..not 5..but 4). Nonsense. I had a great time with her (as always), she's the best. We went out to get some coffee with Kristen and Stephanie Farag (theyre both great girls..mad funny). I've been seeing a lot more of Patty and Jillian as of late though which is always cool. I have these mad long breaks in between classes (John's dumb and thinks I have a n00b schedule...but it totally pwns his...ok I might be in denial) so I have tons of time to pass during the day. It's really cool...I always plan on going home and taking a long nap to recharge but what usually happens is either I get lunch and listen to incubus with dave mills, or I sit in Lazzara's car and listen to dark side of the moon in its entirety.
I haven't gotten the chance to hang out with Bryn one-on-one lately...she's working really hard for her boards...I know she's gonna do amazing though. Soon enough we'll be skateboarding to the coffee shops! =)

Ok well I'm ending this run-on rant of a journal entry cuz I procrastinated and now I'm running late...gotta take a shower...ah man this day is gonna hwnt me...class all day...work all night...jamming with n00b john and cool anthony...w00t byebye

oh yeah im finally taking bass lessons...I wanna be able to read music and all that good stuff...and sooner or later be just like Vic Wooten. I will be!

Soundtrack To Your Life

2004-09-09T23:31:24Z

Soundtrack To Your Life Survey

(Stolen from Melinda's livejournal)

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song:
Cannonball - The Breeders

Waking up:
Sunburn - Fuel

First date:
I Melt With You - Jason Mraz's version

First kiss:
Stellar-Incubus

Falling in love:
Here In My Room-Incubus // Say Goodbye - Dave Matthews Band

Heartbreak:
Crazy - KidneyThieves // Three Libras - A Perfect Circle // The No Seatbelt Song - Brand New

Driving fast:
Be Quiet & Drive - Deftones

Getting ready to go out:
Waiting - Green Day

Partying with friends:
Let's Get Retarded - Black Eyed Peas // Date With The Night - Yeah Yeah Yeah's

Dancing at a club:
Danger (High Voltage) - Electric Six

Flirting:
Stay - Dave Matthews Band

Feeling sexy:
Cherry Lips - Garbage

Walking alone in the rain:
Rain - Breaking Benjamin

Missing someone:
The Ghost Of You - My Chemical Romance // I Miss You - Incubus // Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne

Playing in the ocean:
Rub A Dub - 311

Summer vacation:
Doin' Time - Sublime

Fighting with someone:
Break Out - Foo Fighters

Acting goofy with friends:
Creatures - 311

Thinking back:
The Scientist - Coldplay

Being Depressed:
How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead // Mary Jane - Alanis Morissette // Mad World - Gary Jules

Falling asleep:
Asleep- The smiths

Closing song:
Float on - Modest Mouse

I should be sleeping!

2004-09-07T05:03:59Z

I was in a silly little funk tonight. I'm not quite sure what the immediate causes were though. Yet all-in-all, it was a really cool night. Hung out at Mike's along with Jess, Bryn and Chezz...those guys always make me feel more at home than I've ever been =) I'm glad I've been able to see them a lot again as of late...I've been without their good company for a little while.

I noticed something really nice tonight though. I was zoning in and out of conversations, and I realized how alike I really am with some others--3 people in particular...two people really close to me, and one semi-close. These people are inconceivably incredible. I admire them, look up to them, adore them. I've been a little hard on myself lately, and realizing my similarities and kinship with these people helped me realize that maybe I'm not so bad after all! I mean...if I find similarities between myself and three people who I genuinely love and admire and appreciate, then that's somewhat indirectly saying something positive about myself. So that makes me feel a little bit better. (I've also been going back to SRS recently...I forgot how much I love going to that studio, and how much I'm crazy about the people there. I still have to deliver Tomas his belated birthday card....it was also great to see little Rob G. lol...I realize how much I've missed him...Sherman and Jordan too. I'm really excited for Jordan though...he's not Ryan Cabrera's drummer, and touring with him and such. He deserves it, I'm so happy for him. Now I can point at the TV when he's on TRL this week and be like "Hey...I played in a band with that rock star!") I was thinking back to a few months ago...and I also realize how much I learned from them. Especially about confidence, which I've been lacking a bit of. I remember something Rob said on a car ride to NYC a little while back..."When you're 25, you're going to be unstoppable". I hope so. I still have a few years to go until I polish up. =)

I'm counting the days til I get to take a little well-needed "vacation" from this island that is long. I like it here but I need time to think away from home (which was one of the many amazing positive attributes of the Lake George trip with a handful of my most favorite girls!). I'm very excited...only 10 more days to go!

And although nothing has been seriously definitely "proclaimed"...I've been given the oppurtunity to feel not so "romantically alone" anymore...who knows. What's going on? I don't know lol it's all been a rush, I believe I'm still a tad bit immature to have a serious thing right now. One day at a time, right? We'll see, we'll see.

Well, I have to go. Just felt I was overdue for an update...but I doubt anybody reads this silly little thing! School's in a few hours, I need some sleep! (I love school by the way, I'm actually very excited about it every day. I love it, my classes/classmates are stellarrrr)...night everyone....whoever reads this lol sweet dreams. Time to sleep off this slight moodiness!

Birthday Recap

2004-08-23T18:04:42Z

So this past birthday was definitely the best one I've ever had. I didnt really want to do much, so Patty and Jill and I just got some chinese takeout for lunch and rented a movie. Then later on that night, a whooole bunch of us took over Applebee's. So many people came, it was awesome =) But absolutely nothing tops yesterday....as a belated birthday gift, I was taken out for the day/night by john, josh and nick. They didnt tell me a thing...the only thing I knew was I had to be at Nick's house by 12. Luckily, we had the most beautiful day we've had this year--it was absolutely gorgeous outside, it was perfect. So I'm a little late (as usual) and I'm greeted by the three of them and as I'm talking to Nick's sister he takes out these yellow roses tied to a corsage from the fridge (I had mentioned a while ago that those are my favorite). It was so great lol, I had them sticking out of one of my bag's pouches. So we take off and I have no idea where we're going, then I recognize we're on the way to the city. Nick takes a few wrong turns because someone gave him terrible directions lol. So we finally find the place and I see our first destination is a pizzeria in the east side. I'm like "Ok cool, pizza" lol and then they open the box and its half cheese, and half covered in pineapples haha....my absolute favorite. Of all time. It was the coolest thing. We brought the pizza and a bunch of stuff hidden in bags to Central Park, where we had sort of a picnic. They packed a sleeping bag to chill on, they brought drinks, and they even made a whole bunch of peanut butter and banana sandwiches--another favorite of mine. We just hung out, talked, played with other people's dogs lol....took pictures, it was so much fun. Josh gave me a really cool shirt and matching earrings (last time I was at his house, his dog ripped my old shirt and my earrings fell into the ocean haha). It was amazing. After hanging out there for a while we took off for destination #2, which was awesome. It was a place called New Roc City...I've never been there before and I mentioned wanting to go there in the past. We did blacklight bowling.....chilled in the arcade for a while (i rocked the car racing games but got killed by dance dance revoluction)...we were gonna go to the IMAX theatre but we were running low on time. Soooo we left there and headed back near Oceanside, where they took me to a Japanese Hibachi resteraunt where we had a great time (and saw 2 people get hit by a car----yeah, hit by a car!) But they're alright, thank god...it was crazy though. But besides that, we had a great time. I had so much fun, it was perfect!

There's a lot more I wanna write about but I have to pick up Dave for lunch and I'm running laaate as usual!

Byebye^^

p.s.-thanks for all of you who came to see us open for trustcompany!

First Stage

2004-08-09T16:05:47Z

Went to the First Stage show at the Patchogue Theatre two nights ago. It was kind of sad actually, this being their last performance. I think they're truly the best local band around, so much individual talent, as well as talent as a unit. This was the best I've ever seen/heard them though. I know Kenny says that I "always say that", but it's true. It's because they get better and better each time. They really blew everyone away that night. Kenny's energy was unbelievable and so was his singing, John's solo's wrecked every guitar player in the competition, Evan was rocking out, Dave was going nuts (and almost slipped on his ass at one point--got that one on tape), Nick played his heart out...they did really, really well. They weren't in the top 3 (which is bull, I think) but they were definitely the best there. We're all mad proud of you guys (even though you had to cut out "Ballad" lol -- Not good!). Again, it really sucks that it was their last show, but you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. Right on.

In other news, remember, Pot80's is opening up for TrustCompany on August 17th at the Downtown. All members have tickets available, so please see any of us to buy one. Or two. Or eleven. This show is really, really, really important for us. We'd all really appreciate it. We've been working really hard for this one.

Well I'm bringing this short entry to a close, I have to get ready for baseball today at 2pm (long time, no play...I can't wait). Time to get back in action! (TheAwesomeMatt: We need you, White Lightening!)

Haha, rock on.

Self-Doubt

2004-08-03T00:33:32Z

"If I make a lot of tinsel, then people will want to.
If I am hardened, no fear of further abandonment.
If I am famous, then maybe I'll feel good in this skin.
If I am cultured, my words will somehow garner respect.
I would throw a party, still it would not come.
I would bike, run, swim, and still it would not come.
I'd go traveling, and still it would not come.
I would starve myself, and still it would not come.
If I am masculine, I will be taken more seriously.
If I take a break, it would make me irresponsible.
If i'm elusive, I will surely be sought after often.
If I need assistance, then I must be incapable.
I'd be filthy rich, and still it would not come.
I would seduce them, and still it would not come.
I would drink vodka, and still it would not come.
I'd have an orgasm, and still it wouldn't come.
If I accumulate knowledge, I'll be impenetrable.
If I am aloof, no one will know when they strike a nerve.
If I keep my mouth shut, the boat will not have to be rocked.
If I am vulnerable, I will be trampled upon.
I would go shopping, and still it would not come. I'd leave the country. and still it would not come.
I would scream and rebel, still it would not come. I would stuff my face, and still it would not come.
I'd be productive, and still it would not come. I'd be celebrated, still it would not come.
I'd the the hero, and still it would not come.
I'd renunciate, and still it would not come." - Alanis Morissette

So after a good week and a half, I'm once again reunited with my 3 familiar "Selfs"....

Self-Doubt
Self-Consciousness
Self-Pity

Bringing about certain reoccuring questions....

What's wrong with me?
What's right with everyone else?
Why can't I meet all these expectations?
How long does it take for Loneliness to get tired of bothering 19 year old girls?
How many sorry, sappy Weezer songs can I listen to before I find one I can't relate to? (Minus the lyrics regarding an infatuation with Japanese girls)
Does the real problem lie in the things I have to change about myself, or in the fact that I feel the need for such changes?

I always find one way or another to turn something positive into a potential formula for disaster in my eyes.

((Quote Deftones: "I dream too much, I think too much, I step too much, those things too much, I am too much, I'm pissed to much, I need too much, I kinda want to throw...."))

Are all my imperfections serious? Or is it just the result of typical adolescent paranoia? Fabricated? Not really there?

Or are they real, in dire need of a change, some sort of a remedy that I feel I'll never ever get my hands on....

(My reflection bothers me more than it ever has before.)

- This space reserved to stifle the constant ranting with a dose of shameless promotion: -

August 17th- Product Of The 80's is opening for TRUSTcompany at the Downtown in Farmingdale. Tickets are now available through any of the band members. Check it out, it's gonna be a pretty rockin time. And it's also the day after the awesome bass player's birthday. Right on.

Long one

2004-07-29T05:48:12Z

So amidst all the "So-Called Chaos" that I wouldn't dare put in here, I've been pretty satisfied with the way things are going lately. I feel I'm slowly getting myself out of this hole I've dug for myself these past bunches of months (hopefully). There were 3 Main aspects that were beginning to turn the hairs I haven't ripped out yet gray: Work, Relationships, Bands.
Only one of those should be stressing me out so much. I'll give you a hint: The answer is Work. It's normal to hate your job. You're suppossed to hate your job. I think. (Right?) Anyways, it's something I'm sure we all wish we could love, but let's face it. Work sucks. But I've been working in this music retail trap for almost 2 years now, and even after a raise (that I wasn't even notified about, hat just happened out of nowhere), I make fucking $6.70 an hour. Maybe I wrote "Nothing" under the salary expectations section of my application 2 years ago. Maybe that's what I did. Honestly, I mean it's my own fault for staying there. I have to get my ass to another job and fast, as expenses (especially gas, what the fuck is that about?) are rising as quickly as they are. Hm. But enough of that. I know that I can eventually improve on the job situation, for sure. I just have to apply myself a little bit more. So I know I will eventually have that covered. Now onto the Band situation. I had a long (and productive) conversation with Chezz and Bryn about this tonight (Chezz spoke a lot about his own music-related situations and predicaments, which was more than comforting). It was so refreshing, it really was. Last practice was pretty good--better than most. We actually concentrated on certain parts of songs, and definitely improved them. That's a start. It's good to be able to open up and exchange feelings about this sort of thing, especially with Chezz Bryn and Mike (which is a huge benefit considering he is in my band). I just think our problems lie very much in our attitudes. Mike mentioned the potential we all have that we're not using, and I couldn't agree more. There's so much room to improve, and that room is being wasted. We're not taking advantage of it. It's like we're all settling with what sounds "alright". I want my music to make me excited. I want to be psyched. To be honest, I'm not psyched at all. It's tough to go to practice and throw some ideas and criticism out there to some people who just wont change their part for anyone. People who are stubborn. You cant be in a band and expect to be successful while at the same time stressing the need for yourself to always be the center, always be the loudest, always be noticed. We're a unit. Dare I say "There's no 'I' in 'Band'", haha. But I love the band, I really really do. Which is why I want to work hard. We have to work our asses off. We're not even close to doing that. "My hand hurts". "I have a headache". Suck it up. We're not a magical band. We cant work on something once, snap our fingers and have it be perfect. You're as dedicated as you say you are? Suck it up. Prove it. I want to see every single one of us succeed. It'd be silly to throw something away like this. Mike brought up the fact that people are noticing us. They see us, they remember us, they might be spreading the word about us, who knows. We're actually under a public eye now, we should be working to our full potential.
But music should be an outlet, not a stress. Which is why I'm glad I have the oppurtinities to play withother bands on the side as well. Steve's thing is great, I just wish I had more time to devote to it. This thing with John and Nick from First stage is something I'm beyond ecstatic about. The guy Jarad we've got on vocals is absolutely amazing. He's got one of the greatest voices I've heard come out of someone I know personally. I'm very excited for another chance to express myself through a different style of music. Knowing I have the ability to express myself in different bands with different styles is definitely reassuring and comforting for me. I'm very, very excited. So things on the Music aspect are looking up. Product is even opening for Trust Company the day after my birthday-August 17th. It's gonna be awesome, I can't wait.

The past few days have been a little rough--working a lot, etc. But the nights have been really good. Really good. Patty and I had a really cool night a few evenings ago. After that period of time where I hardly got to spend time with her one-on-one, its great to be able to do that once again like there was no unfortunate Gap in between "then" and "now". I also had a great yet very unexpected night recently. I went out not really knowing what to expect. I was very skeptical, to say the least. But that's just my nature I guess, who knows. Anyway, that doesn't really matter. All-in-all, even though it was pretty much just talking in a car for 4 hours, it was practically more fun than I've had all summer. I was unexpectedly outgoing, strangely comfortable, able to be silly and dorky, but above all, which I think is most important, I felt I was understood. Maybe it's because I didn't expect to be so understood by this person, I don't know. But I felt I was really able to connect with this person, on so many aspects. Situations regarding being in a band, relationships, self-confidence issues, worries, etc. Maybe this person wasn't for real. Maybe it was just a facade, who knows. But if it wasn't--if it was straight-up 110% what this person was truly, honestly thinking--then I can safely say I haven't been able to connect with someone like that in a long time. And it's a great feeling, and I hope it happens again sometime soon. I don't know if this person reads livejournals haha, but if so, thanks again.

And this is way too long so I'm going to wrap it up. Thanks again for reading--and by the way, the 311 concert was incredible!!! They played everything I wanted to hear. The Roots completely tore it up, and from what I heard from the Merchandise line, Medeski Martin & Wood were awesome. And on a different note, Jackie Wilson rocks haha she's seen me through some very crazy shit these past few weeks. She's awesome. Gold star for her, lol. And I'm done now because this is long, I am tired, and I have to be at work in less than 8 hours. 'Night all.

"I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon..."

2004-07-20T13:08:45Z

Long time (sort of), no update. So here it is. Lots of stuff to write about, most of this stuff consists of things you most likely are already aware of. Ah well, lol...Cataklyzm rocked the other night at Joey T's party. They went on a little later than expected but it was well worth the wait! They played for a long time, which was awesome. They played every song I could imagine them playing (Minus Day Cold 5...but then again, thats not one I can imagine them playing so void that lol). I got New Skin dedicated to me, awesome, lol they played so well. I was especially impressed with their Rage Against the Machine cover. Although Chezz forgot some of the words at the beginning, it turned out really well. Very gude. =) The entire night was so fun. Bryn and I chowed down on guacamole chips during the whole set, ordered Domino's for everyone with steve, scott & anthony, then we chilled at adam's for a bit, very good night.
Also has some good nights this past week....got to see the girls a lot. Also got a call from Joe a few nights ago, hung out with him, Chauncey, Pete and Danielle which was mad cool, it was great to see them again.
Got an Alanis Morissette ticket at the last minute (3 hours before the concert, at jones beach). It was the most incredible concert I've been to, period. I got an orchestra seat (Bryn happened to be 5 rows directly in front of me) and it was amazing. I left before Barenaked Ladies though lol and I was told I missed a great set. I paid $58 for an hour and 20 minutes of Alanis, but that was well worth it. I would pay $200 to feel like that again, no question. Soooo good, ugh!
The band has taken a tiny little hiatus it seems since our last show. Which seems a bit negative, but it has it's benefits. Going 2 weeks without playing together creates that little drive in each of us to want to play and create, which is a necessity. Because for me personally, if I don't have that drive, that want, that feeling that I have to create something at practice, then I don't even seem to put 40% into my work. And that's no good! Can't have that. So we have practice tonight, I hope it goes well.
I've also been enthusiastic about this little project with Steve, Scott, and Chezz. This song we're working on, I have to say, is really, really good. Kind of a Nine inch nails/tool feel, but not so heavy...it's very good, I'm real excited. (And Johnny Solo...when are we gonna play together like you've been plotting?? n00b)

I was gonna go off on a few minor tangents but, lucky for you guys, I'll have to refrain now b/c I have a doctor's appointment in an hour and I'm nowhere near ready soooo, thanks for reading I guess lol, byebye^^

Good morning

2004-07-05T16:26:13Z

So I've kind of been including just random thoughts in here, and not many accounts of events and such. Which is what I wanted to do in the first place, because who wants to read "At 10 I woke up, then I ate Cheerios for breakfast, which sucks because i really wanted a bagel but we didn't hae any, then at 1:26 I went over to my friend's house and we watched an Ed Norton Movie and fell asleep for approximately 42 minutes..."
But there's just been some really really cool stuff going on this past month or so that I just want to shove in here just for the gosh darn heck of it. To..may I say..."reflect" lol.

I mean, it's been pretty cool. All this planning for lake george, the many band practices, meeting brandon boyd, the two incubus concerts, the incredible shows (for josh's graduation/john's birthday and for the fourth of july), my party which was insanely fun thanks to you guys, chilling with Joe & Zarelli & Lou on the last night of my parent's "Awayness"...it really helps me break the monotony that my life has become with work and all. That's the only thing that really sucks right now in my life. The same thing, every day. And its not even anything I enjoy (I'm such a crybaby lol)...but it all adds up and somewhat takes a toll on you. I'm so used to dreading every day with the two jobs I'm growing to dislike more and more, that even days I have off I'm in a funk because I'm just so used to waking up with reluctance heavy on my shoulders. I'll be out and about and having fun, but not as much fun as I should be having, because I'm a n00b and most of my thoughts are those of "I hate the fact that I have work tomorrow/later on" or "Great, I forgot to call this student's mother again". Sometimes I think that, in the back of my head, buried in the subconscious somewhere, I'm trying to get fired from my teaching job. Weird, huh? I thought this job to be ideal. But every time my boss calls me with "Great news Lauren, we have a new student all set to go for ya!" I feel sinking "oh great" falling within the pit of my stomach. Icky, yes.

So...this has turned into one big massive Complaint lol. Sorry for that. I always feel like there's so much to write about, but when I finally get to the point where there's more space to type, I just stare at the blinking curser, expecting it to type my thoughts all on its own. I want to type all positive things because I mean, I'm not feeling that awful. I mean yeah I hate work and I dread 80% of the usual Day in the Life of Lauren Sauer but I'm not depressed or down or angered by any (or much) of it. And I absolutely cannot WAIT for this Lake George trip coming up (this weekend!!) with the girls, but I know that in the back of my mind, I'll be thinking "4 more days til your real life returns...3 days...2 days...1..."

I suck. Haha. Look at me, all these good things and the only things coming out of my mouth are foolish, displeased rants. I can't tell if that makes me too childish, or too adult.

On a side note, I think I have to get me some....uh...whatever the right term meaning "balls" for females is, regarding some much-needed courage, lol..I've had countless talks with so many friends, regarding their lives and their relationship situations, preaching the same thing over and over to them, "Why fear rejection? If you get rejected, all it does is sift out the ones who just aren't right for you in the first place, making rejection a somewhat positive thing, if you think about it."
And I truly meant that, I wouldnt give false advice to friends (or anyone for that matter...) ..but wow I really don't practice what I preach in this case. Why am I so afraid?

Ah well, it's 12:25 in the pm and I am still in my pajamas. I'm gonna go catch Saved By The Bell, then eat something because I'm absolutely famishhhhhed...we've got a show tonight that I'm growing more and more excited about, despite the usual and expected "Sure we'll definiely be there"s followed by the "Oh, we forgot, sorry"s. Eh, fuck it, who cares. We're gonna rock out and have fun (althought I do have work early tomorrow morning).... ;-) Me=n00b

Awesooome

2004-06-30T00:22:45Z

Thanks to you guys for coming last night! How awesome was that. I had more than a great time and I hope you all did, too...from the beer-pongers to the pasta-makers to the piano players to those of you who were, uh, just "hanging out" in my room (I have to air that shit out soon...) lol thank youuuu

oh hey we have a show on july 5th at the downtown, "Rock Fight" or something clever and witty-sounding like that (good old Rick Eberle...)
So yeah, come to that, or don't, but I'd like it if you did....annnnd that's it...thanks again for last night guys! (And I must say, stellar audio visuals provided by Cataklyzm and First Stage lol...I liked Chezz & Kenny's "Science" renditions in my living room as well...ah man I hope I can have one of these again soon)

Signing off.

Fahrenheit 9/11

2004-06-27T20:12:10Z

Go see it.

Olorin553: awesome, im jealous ive got to go see that, how was it ?
SwisSummeRomance: its hard to say
SwisSummeRomance: i want to say it was really good but there was just so much negativity reflected that I cant feel anything positive about it right now lol
Olorin553: yeah im guessing it didn't have many kind words for the administration
SwisSummeRomance: i just know that we live in a fucked up world and that everyone in the theatre realized that, left the theatre totally enraged and emotionally drained, yet will aim these feelings at another target in a few hours once their favorite American Idol contestant is kicked off..
Olorin553: yeah very true, sucks when something makes u all insightful doesn't it ?
SwisSummeRomance: Yeah
SwisSummeRomance: Its like human beings are programmed (or at least have a tendency) to undergo this wave of personal enlightenment once real, nonfictitious chaos is put right in front of them
SwisSummeRomance: then it Frizzle-fries once a more materialistic form of trauma rises to the surface...such as, No Plans for the night and boredom on the brain.
Olorin553: yup and what to do to reverse and numb this new found awareness
Olorin553: we people are an aggravating bunch
Olorin553: :-)
SwisSummeRomance: Yeah, we bite lol

Incubus show at the colesium...

2004-06-27T06:16:02Z

Whoa, first and foremost, they played both Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song) and CROWDED ELEVATOR...exquisite.

Tailgated with Adam and his friends...we strolled in 10 minutes before Incubus graced the stage and since the two of us were cool GA kids, we were roughly 10 "rows" from the stage (whatever a row is considered to be in general admission). Their opener and closers tonight werent so powerful in my opinion tonite but they rocked. "Priceless" was incredible. They played Anti Gravity. Im too thrilled to type.

Then we all chilled at this kid's house afterward. All I remember are parts of "Baseketball", him and his sister quoting the Cheshire Cat,and my insatiable craving for lemonade.

Incredible night.

Incubus at MSG..

2004-06-26T14:53:54Z

Went with Jackie to see Incubus at MSG last night.
It was incredible. I mean, aside from the fact that it was INCUBUS--which makes the show incredible already--it was amazing. The live performance was GREAT. I can't wait to go again tonight and watch from General Admission this time. They opened with Megalomaniac and closed with Pardon Me...my only dissappointment was that they didnt play New Skin (But they played fucking Idiot Box!! It was their second song, I was amazed). But I figure they'll play it tonight because they've been known to change their setlist around for different shows.
Now I'm gonna pull a Brian Chase here, and fill you in on what they played (not in this order...I dont really remember the exact order).

S.C.I.E.N.C.E.
-Idiot Box (!!!)
-Certain Shade Of Green
-Vitamin (which was made 10 minutes long for an insane drum solo involving Jose, Brandon, and Ben--who snt as dreadful as I thought).

Make Yourself
-Pardon Me
-Nowhere Fast
-Drive (which they put a funkier edge to, it was great, I usually hate that song)
-The Warmth

Morning View
-Nice To Know You
-Wish You Were Here
-Just A Phase
-Warning

A Crow Left Of The Murder
-Megalomaniac
-Talk Shows On Mute
-Sick Sad Little World (!!)
-Here In My Room (insert more exclamation points..they better leave that one in tonight)
-Pistola
-A Crow Left Of The Murder
-Priceless

And they played some pretty cool new song. It was amazing. So excited about tonight, it's inconceivable! Now I remember why they're my favorite band.